There is Always a Way

Oh hello. Still here. I know, I haven’t blogged in three days. That is like a record for me.

Short-ish recap:
Started getting sick on Friday. Was sick all day on Saturday. Still woozy on Sunday. Church and Youth Group on Sunday.
Monday I was really missing food, water, and running. Couldn’t really do any the last couple of days do to nausea and tummy issues.
I was so weak on Monday. I had been eating the last couple of days, but not much. I would say I cut my intake by half. Food just didn’t go down well and oranges were about the only thing that my body liked. I was eating to stay…ya know, fueled…but it was forced. And water…yeah, I didn’t keep up with my 2 liters a day because well, I wanted to hurl every time I took a drink. I may have averaged a liter a day on Fri/Sat/Sun.
And I would have loved to get in a long run on Saturday, but it was not happening. Between the nausea, dizziness, headache, sensitivity to light, and overall achiness…well, a good nap was the better option.
I did manage 2 liters yesterday…just barely. And did ok on food, although my stomach was still not up to par. Today, I think I am finally about back on track. I won’t have time for a run as work is work. And tonight I have not one, but two church meetings. So, I think I will just not push it and I will plan for a run tomorrow instead.

Last night was a Euchre Night. But, I also had a Finance meeting. So, I got in a quick game before and after the meeting. We usually have the finance meetings on a Tuesday, so the Monday interferance shouldn’t happen too often again. We didn’t get home until after 9:30. Everyone was sleeping when Nate and I got home. I took advantage of the quiet and got a bit more work done. Then I curled up with a glass of wine and watched Bones.

I have been having really weird dreams lately. I think I need to stop watching shows like Bones…and The Following…and Arrow…and Revenge….and Body of Proof…and Castle….and Once Upon A Time. Suits though….I can keep watching that…yeah. ;)

I will just leave this here….

(Pondera, you can just say this is “research” for your upcoming shopping trip;))

Shit has caught up with me.  And it isn’t pretty.  I took a not so pretty picture as I tried to dress myself (buttons not aligned right) after my not so easy getting up from my bed after my short nap (read: could not stand up any longer) after my hot hot hot shower that was oh so needed.

But, ya’ll don’t need to see that.  Trust me, I looked grim.  And the mirror was dirty.

I have been feeling run down the last couple of days and today I feel the most run down than I have in a long time.  I didn’t even bother bringing my running bag to work today because I just know it isn’t going to happen.  And even if I had time, it might not be the best thing for me right now.  Sad, but true.

Last Wednesday was the last evening that I had nothing planned.  And even with that, I still didn’t get to sit down until after 8pm.  And before that Wednesday, it was a while before I had nothing planned as well.  Last night I was starting to hear things…. I was seriously paranoid.  It was ridiculous and comical.  I mean I freaked out because I heard my tag scrape from my sports bra when I moved my arm…it took me a while to realize what was making the sound.  I was up until 1am finishing the treats for Aydan and Charly’s Valentine parties today.  Brain gets mushy when overtired…for sure.

I know that I over-book myself.  I know that I run myself in to the ground.  And I know that it is all due to choices that I make.  But, honestly, I can’t think of it any other way.  I try and imagine cutting things out of my life, but I can’t.  I just can’t choose anything that I am willing to let go. 

I just want it all.  I want to do it all.  I want to reap all the benefits.  And I am willing to pay the price of being run down and tired some of the time and of course gripe about it on this here blog. 

And in to a not so completely different topic….

I have never giving up anything for lent.  I just haven’t.  I probably should, but it just isn’t something that I have felt compelled to do. 

This year I thought about it, but I really can’t think of anything that I am willing to give up.  I don’t drink much caffeine, hardly any at all.  I drink alcohol on average…one glass 3 nights a week.  Sometimes less.  I thought about giving up TV, but Hulu keeps me sane throughout the work day as I often multi task and watch shows while I work.  Slow computers and tedious tasks drive me nuts if I don’t have a distraction.  Sugar…well, I suppose I could give up sugar, but I don’t really partake too much in that.  I am pretty good with moderation.

Then last night at our Ash Wednesday service the pastor mentioned instead of giving up something for lent, why not add something for lent.  Perfect!  I can’t think of something to give up…I will add something!  And I am back to …what??  Of course, as you read above…I don’t have a lot of room for additions. 

The best thing I can think of is adding a daily devotion to my day.  It is something that I have thought about and do definitely need.  And it would only take less than 5 minutes.  Ya know, as I am writing this…I think what I can handle/do for 40 days is no TV at night.  I can do my devotion at night and then I can read through the pile of books that is sitting on my nightstand.  So many good books that I just need to take the time to read.  It is something that I really enjoy…not sure why I don’t just shut the laptop off each night and do it.  One will never really know. 

Ok, so after my long ramble and random thoughts…I will start tonight.  Can’t subtract or add things for lent?  Do a replacement!  No laptop/Hulu after the kids go to bed.  Just me and my books.  I can still check Tumblr on my phone though…lol :)

Work
Dinner
Education meeting
Coordinating Council meeting
9pm home

Soooo I didn’t run at all.  I am ok with that.  I am really tired.  When I got home a little after 4 today, I was going to make some pasta for dinner, but the couch was just there…with a pillow…and I decided to just lay on it for “just a minute”.  Well, I ended up snoozing for like 20 minutes.  So, I just heated up some leftovers and made up some vegetables for dinner. 

And just as I was finishing up eating, it was time to head out the door for my meetings.  Coffee was definitely had. 

Charly has been going to an after school program every Mon and Tues to help with her reading.  Well, today they had a little Valentine party for them.  So, she got to make her own cookie.  She brought it home and gave it to her dad:)  Too cute.

I did finish the night with some sit ups and push ups.  At least it is something! ;) 

I’m tired.

I know I say I am tired a lot.  But, today…oh my goodness, I am tired.  I keep wondering if my head is just going to flop over and hit the keyboard.

Monday was get up at 7, work 9-5, dinner, run, clean at church until 10:30, crash about 11:30.
Tuesday was get up at 7, work 9-5, dinner, finance meeting 7-9, grocery shopping, didn’t crash until 1am. 
Today, I have nothing planned after work.  I am glad.  I have some chicken marinating for dinner.  I got some fresh veggies and fruit last night at the store…which we were out of, so that is always good.  I WILL get a run in tonight.  And when I say that, I mean that I really really hope to.  At the rate I am going today though, I may have to sneak a nap in somewhere. 
Thursday I need to be in “chef mode”.  I help put on our church’s Sweetheart Banquet every year and this year I am cooking the food.  So, Thursday I need to get my grocery shopping done so that I can prep the food Friday night. 

Oh, and I bought a new jacket for $10.  So far, I am pleased with it.  It isn’t bulky and it blocks out the wind.  Perfect.  Just what I needed. 

I am in one of those melancholy type moods.  One of those times where I wish I could just close my eyes, type, and all my thoughts would come out on to the screen in perfect clarity and elegance.

In reality, that just never happens.  I can pretty much rely on the fact that my thoughts and feelings will never be clear-cut or easy to put in to words. 

I am at a point in my life where I feel like I need to make a change or find some clarity.  Focus my attention on a goal.  A point.  Find what is driving me and where I want to drive to.  And then I get so mentally exhausted even beginning to think about all of the above and I stop.  I am stuck.  I have all the anxious excitement that I can’t put anywhere because I am scared stiff. 

I can’t even describe what I am scared of.  I am not scared of anything.  I am scared of everything.  I love my life just as it is.  And on the flip side I want it to change. 

This whole life of do and don’t.  Live and let live.  Be and not be.  Finding a balance is just tiresome.  I feel guilty when I am happy.  Disappointed when I am depressed.  Sceptical when I am excited.  Comfortable when I am oblivious.  For every emotion there is another aspect.  And why does it have to be that way?  Why can’t I just be a bit more unidimensional?  That would just be too easy now, wouldn’t it?  And that my friend…again, brings me back to tired. 

I didn’t intend for this post to be so…depressing.  Life is what it is.  Sometimes I just need to get the negative thoughts out there….so they are …well, out.  And on the other side, one could say that they aren’t negative at all.  It is all in how you perceive things, of course. 

Working on the ole schedule/budget for 2013

~
January 28 - Peyten’s (outpatient) surgery
~
February 2 - Tutu Run (Kalamazoo) 
Febrary 9 - Sweetheart Banquet (I’m cooking)
February 9 - Frostbite 5k (I would love to run this again this year, but not sure I can do it along with the banquet)
February 24 - Aydan’s birthday party (Chuck E Cheese)
~
March 28 - Leave for Florida?
~
April 6 - Come back from Florida?
~
May 4 - Indy Mini
May 5 - Kalamazoo Half
May 29 - June 1 - Annual Conference
~
June 8 - Strawberry Run 5k or 10k
June 29 - Cherry Run 5k
~
July 20 - Selleck get together
~
August 3 - Peach Run 10k
August 10 - Blueberry Run 5k
August 11-14 - Vacation Bible School
~
September 7 - Grape Run 5k
~
October 13 - Chicago Marathon (either running or spectating)
~
November 9 - Road Hawg Classic 10k

This is what I have so far and what I intend to do.  If I had all the money and all the time, I would run so many more races, lol.  They get addictive. 

Now, I am sure that the schedule will fill up tremendously soon enough with kid’s activities, church activities, and family activities.  I looked at last year’s calendar and got a bit overwhelmed, lol.  But, if my life wasn’t full, I wouldn’t be as happy :)   

Kids

~One of the kids had my iPhone and deleted my Safari app.  I ended up resetting my home screen layout to get it back.  Now I have to move all my apps back to where I like them…*big sigh*.  Kids make it so hard to stay organized. :)

~Aydan has been doing this thing lately where he says the same thing twice.

For instance:
“I do not want to eat, I do not”
“I want to go outside, I do”
“It is not time for bed, it is not”

I am not sure when he started this, but I have noticed it A LOT lately and it is a bit funny.  Not sure the psychology behind why he does it.  I mean, he is 4, so he is still figuring the ins and outs of language etc.  Or maybe he will drop the first part and end up talking like Yoda all the time, lol.

Well, that was a long one

Work 9-5
Education meeting 6-7
Coordinating Council 7-8:30
Cleaned the church 9-10

My feet are up. 

I am done.

Still planning on running my 12 miles in the morning.  Looking forward to it:)  I have no idea what temperature it is supposed to be.  Probably pretty cold.  I’m not going to worry about it.  I am just going to enjoy the fresh air, no matter the conditions.  Most of the snow melted today and then the temperature dropped again.  Not sure if we are supposed to get more snow tonight or not.  I hardly ever look at a forecast…I just wake up and see what it is like outside by opening the door.  *shrug*

That’s me. 

I am still here. I haven’t been on Tumblr much lately. Life has gotten away from me and I …well…my head is still spinning. But, I felt the need to blog a bit to try and clear my head.

Work was insane last week. Just so very busy and I didn’t really enjoy it much at all. I don’t like when the work spills over from day to day. I like to be able to end each day with some resolution. It was just one of those weeks where it just kept coming and Friday was probably the most stressful of them all. Not fun.

Today I will play catch up and hopefully be at a sane level by the end of the day.

Friday I worked from my Dad and stepmom’s house.  I was hoping for a quiet day to relax with them and keep an eye on work.  But, it ended up being a crazy work day, so I got a late start on the drive up and ended up working from my Dad’s office while they hung out with the kids.  It worked out ok.

They made sure to set me up with some comfy slippers, great coffee, and cookies that the kids helped make.  Oh, and I had a Waitrose magazine waiting for me too.  My cousin, Heidi, always brings me one when she visits from England.  (Pampered:))

I did get to relax after 5.  I caught up with as much “urgent” work as possible and left the rest for a later time.  We ate some dinner that my dad made.  And then Dad and I drove to Muskegon and dropped off some pumpkin rolls to my Aunt for an order.  It was nice to just drive and chat with him for a bit.  Then we went back to the house and hung out for a while. 

Aydan had fun playing video games with Uncle Josh and Peyten ran around like she does.  Enjoyed playing with dolls and reading stories with Oma.  We ended up leaving around 8 or 9.  The kids slept the almost 2 hour ride home. (after first checking out all the Christmas lights, of course. Left! Right!)

Saturday, I got to take off for a bit on my own.  I had to get some dried apricots, so I just went ahead and did some Christmas shopping too.  Managed to get quite a bit done. 

I got home and made up some Apricot Bars

This was cruel, because I forgot how much I love these things.  And this batch was not to eat.  I made them for the Lion’s club who was having a bake sale at the “Christmas in the Park” our town put on.  I did grab a little nibble, but packaged them all up to sell that night.  (I will make another batch for this weekend)

Part of the Christmas in the Park included a lighted parade.  Charly (with her scouts) got to be in the parade.  It was a small parade, but the kids had fun.

And after that, we went back to the park and had some hot dogs, chili, and hot cocoa. 

They were doing free pictures with Santa, but we didn’t want to stand in line.  (sorry kids, not sorry)

We did let the kids pick out some goodies from the bake sale.  They ended up with some cookies and some buckeyes.   Support the Lion’s Club, get goodies, win win.

Saturday night, I stayed up a little late and took my time and wrapped all the presents.  It was fabulous.

I love this part.  I could buy, wrap, and give presents all year long if I had the money:)  Although, if we did it all the time, I guess that would take some of the magic out of it.  At any rate, this is one of my favorite parts about Christmas.  I don’t even care if there is presents for me in there, I just like seeing them all wrapped.  And of course watching the kids open them up on Christmas morning is always great. 

Sunday morning was church as usual.  We made ornaments with the Sunday School in the morning and I had a handful of kids for the nursery during church.  It was a nice relaxing, not too crazy, Sunday morning. 

After church, it was clean up, eat lunch, clean some more, time.  I manged to clean the microwave.  Above all else, I was productive, BECAUSE I cleaned the microwave.  Seriously, it needed it, bad. 

At 3 o’clock we met up with our small group at the church and then we all carpooled to Kalamazoo.  We went to our old (he retired from our church 1-1/2 years ago) pastor’s new church for their Christmas concert.  Peyten wouldn’t sit still, but it was a lot of fun anyhow.  They had a large choir and quite the orchestra.  Beautiful music.  And a nice surprise was that once I got there, I realized it was the church that my sister got married in 14 or so years ago.  Fond memories :)

After the concert, we asked Ron and Jan if they would go out to eat with us.  We had surprised them that we came to the concert at all, so we weren’t sure if they would be free.  Luckily, they chose to go with us.  We hadn’t seen them in a while, so it was so great to catch up with them.  

So, we had an impromptu 17 top at Pizza Hut.  Which worked out just fine.  And, even though I am not a fan of Pizza Hut in general, I can say we actually had a very pleasant meal, and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg.  And the waitress said that our kids were very well behaved.  Amazing! (6 little kids and 3 teenagers)

It was a great weekend filled with family and friends and lots-o-love.  The best kind.

This coming weekend we have our Hoffmann Family Christmas.  Which is my stepmom’s side of the family.  I can’t wait to see everyone and give out big hugs.  It is a huge family and I don’t always get to see them more than once a year, so I look forward to Christmas.  There are 8 brothers and sisters (including my stepmom) who are all married, have kids and their kids have started getting married and having kids.  Needless to say, it is crazy madness.  I love it.