There is Always a Way

Hibernation mode

It’s a thing, right?  I mean for humans….

I have been struggling with wanting to run.  I try and be all blasé about it.  And I have gotten a couple short runs in.  But, I really do need to get my butt in gear sometime in the near future.  The two half marathons in May won’t train for themselves. 

And cliché as it might be, the cold winter weather does NOTHING for my motivation to run.  Quite the opposite (of course).  As it is blowing snow and cold outside, I want nothing more to curl up in some comfy clothes, a big ole blanket, and a good book or show. 

And so I don’t beat myself up too bad about it.  I am going to give myself just that comfort this week.  I had a bowl of ice cream last night.  I might have another tonight (impulse buy, it was half off).  And I am going to focus on work through the day and not worry about when to sneak a run in.  I am going to put the kids to bed at night and then relax with Mark and then enjoy my snuggle time with the book or show. 

Next week, I will start my training.  Oh, it won’t be perfect.  And I certainly won’t live up to my own expectations.  BUT, that is when the expectations start.  That will be when I start to hold myself accountable.  I have my training schedule all printed out (which I stole from Pump) and it will be go time. 

My goal for at least one of the half marathons, is to get in under 2 hours.  I think that is reasonable.  We shall see.

Marathon Training Day 77 (and more rambling)

Running Blog

2.41 miles
8:13 pace
19:50

I ran the 1st mile pretty hard.  I wanted to push myself a bit.  But, I did eat a good size dinner not too long ago…so I knew I wouldn’t be “speedy and light”.  But, I was impressed with 7:31. 
And with that, my “fast mile” last week that my runkeeper told me was 6:39.  And I wondered if it was accurate.  I now think it was actually 7:10.  Still my fastest mile time yet.  So, very pleased.  I had run it around a track and had to do some passing of people, but I don’t think I did enough passing to push the mile mark so far back compared to the track.  Runkeeper/GPS can be frustrating sometimes. 

So, the run tonight was short, but needed.  I squeezed it in after dinner, but before the kids went to bed.  I am going to “try” and run every night this week.  And I say every night because I know it won’t happen.  But, if I shoot for 7, I may hit 5.  If I only shoot for 4 or 5, I would only get 2 or 3.  And as far as miles.  I will just hit as many as I can depending on how much time I have.  I won’t beat myself up about numbers at all.

Non Running Blog

Random thoughts:

1.  I have been in desperate need of a “good” pair of jeans.  Ya know, the ones you can just throw on and they fit perfect.  Make your legs and butt look great.  But, are also comfortable.  So much, that you can wear them all day long.  I know pants like this exist and I needed some.  All of my jeans have turned to “ill fitting”.  Too big in some areas or just…well, just ill fitting.  Annoying, at best.  (of course, when pants get too big..this is NOT a bad problem to have)
Well, I stopped in to the Goodwill over the weekend and found two pairs of jeans.  One pair are decent and will do the trick.  The other pair are absolutely perfect.  They fit just how I like and make my lower half look pretty good.  Now, if I can just find a couple more…:)

2.  Mark gave a set of couches to a friend of his.  I feel like a weight has been lifted.  We have had two couches and a love seat in our basement for a while.  It is nice to have lots of seating at times, but really…it is too much furniture.  So, a friend of Mark’s was in need of some furniture.  We had excess.  So, we gave him a couch/love seat set. 
Now, I need to rearrange and clean the basement.  I am ok with that.  Organizing definitely brings me to a happy place.

3.  I had a #3.  I can’t remember what it was.  Ah well…

Defeated

Well….what can I say.  This was not a happy run.  If you want an uplifting post, this will not be it. 

See, the problem with not having time to train is that you don’t have time to train.  Long run Saturday means shit if you can’t build up to it. 

I had been longing for this day, for this time, to run, for quite some time.  By mile four I was feeling defeated.  My legs were doing ok.  My lungs were holding up.  I didn’t have tummy issues.  It was ALL mental.  I was not mentally prepared.  AT ALL.  Oh, I thought I was, but I wasn’t. 

I thought I could push through.  Run slow.  Just keep moving.  But, at some point, I just lost the will to keep moving.  I didn’t even want to try.  I would push past it.  And then the feeling would return.  We did this for a couple of miles. 

I was considering calling the run a wash and just having Mark come pick me up.  Then I figured I could grunt through the run until I got home and I just wouldn’t take the long cuts that I had planned. 

And then I started to think about how everything is overwhelming me.  I don’t know how I expect to run a marathon in these conditions.  How am I supposed to get to 26.2 when I can’t even get to 10?  Ihaverun 15 miles before.  That is the longest.  During those 15 miles, I didn’t stop to walk at all.  That was a while ago and in the height of my half training.

Today I just kept thinking about how IF I am going to “plan to run”, someone else has to sacrifice.  If I run in the morning, Mark has to be up with the kids.  Which means that he can’t take his sleeping pill at night.  Which means he will get no sleep.  If I run in the evening, I have to plan it around dinner, meetings, football, cheerleading, or Youth events.  I don’t ever have time during the day between the two jobs. 

It is ridiculous, who am I kidding!?  And to top it off, my mind starting racing with all the other crap that I am worrying about that I won’t bother to detail here. 

And then it happened.  The tears came.  And came.  I was walking down a back country road, bawling my eyes out.  I tried to stop crying and started running again.  Then I wasn’t able to breathe well.  I thought I might start hyperventilating.

I decided to take some time and I sat in the shade near an orchard.  I let the tears flow and tried to “get it out of my system”.  Before too long, I got up and started running again.  Ten seconds later, Mark called.  I answered and 2 seconds in to the conversation I started crying again.  I just gave up.  I couldn’t finish this run while being a big crying mess.  I told Mark to pick me up. 

I ran until he got to me.  It was a silent ride home.  I just didn’t know how to express in words the overwhelming emotions I was feeling.  See, I tend to bottle my emotions up.  Stuff them down in.  And every once in a while, they will implode and I turn in to a mess.  I need to talk about it and I will.  But, for now I just want to stay silent so I don’t start crying again.  Let the emotions pass, so I can rationally talk about the feelings. 

So, here are the stats from the run.  I was hoping for closer to 16 miles today.  I got 9.

See that big ass hill?  Yeah, I ran some and then when I got to the stop sign and turned left, the hill gets even bigger and I walked.  It seemed like it took forever before I could walk “upright”. 

And then of course you can see that I just continued to slow down from there.  I took a pause at mile 6 to put a band aid around my toe that was starting to blister.  Shortly after that, it was a lot more walking.

So, I came home, took a shower, put on some comfy clothes, and crawled in to bed.  I zoned out for a bit before I decided to join “the world”.  And I am still a bit skeptical of that. 

We needed milk, so I ran to the store.  While I was there I decided to get something for lunch.  I picked up some pasta and sausage and cream.   (shopping for food and then making it is always therapeutic for me).

So, here is lunch.  And it definitely hit the spot. 

Now, I prepare for the Lock-In with the Youth tonight.  I am excited for the experience and need to get my mind in it.

Kari’s WOD, done

Sure, we will call it a WOD. 

3 sets of:
5 burpees
15 sit ups
30 second plank
10 squats
10 push ups

I was surprisingly sore from doing this same routine on Monday.  I didn’t realize how sore my “armpits” (what are those muscles called?) were until I started doing a push up. 

But, I still completed each task, even if it wasn’t pretty.  I only dropped my head a couple times on the push ups and the sit ups…well, using my arms to pull myself up is ok, right?  lol

It is raining outside right now and has been all day.  I am LOVING it. 

5k race in the morning and maybe a quick run this evening if it is in the cards. 

Marathon training on hold

I am getting myself all worked up and it just isn’t worth it.  I WANT to run.  I WANT to hit all my miles.  I WANT it to not be so hard.  I am sorry, I am such a broken record lately.  I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.  So, what happens?  I become redundant.  Ridiculously redundant.

So, while Mark is gone, I am just going to put training on hold.  I have three jobs and four kids.  It is just impractical to put the pressure on myself to get my miles in with him being gone.  I will definitely get a taste of what being a single mother would be like in the next three days. 

If Mark would be gone a month, I would figure out something to get the miles in, but for 3 days…it just makes sense to put it all on hold.  Give myself a break. 

So pessimistic Kari is here now, but optimistic Kari will be back soon.  Very soon.

Running ramblings

It is late, but I want to write up a run recap real quick. 

I will start out by saying, it took A LOT of gumption to get my rear out there tonight.  I didn’t have to work today, but we did some running around and by the time we put the kids in bed, I was ready to fall over.  I even laid my head down and passed out for ten minutes or so.

My “training” has been pretty sad lately, almost nil, and I knew that I needed to get a couple miles in today, at the least.  I had hoped for a long run, but the way the day went, it just didn’t happen.  I had the kids with me most of the day and Mark and I were two ships passing in the …day.  Bad planning on my part. 

Anyway, I needed to clean up at the church, so I knew I could squeeze some running in beforehand.  Of course, as I was heading out the door, I couldn’t find my arm band.  I have no idea where it went.  I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the kids took off with it.  I almost threw in the towel right there.  I thought it was a sign that I wasn’t supposed to run.  Of course, I know that is hog wash.  So, I grabbed my Nathan belt and that works pretty good, just not as convenient. 

So, I was tired and I wasn’t excited about the run, as you can see from my face. 

But, I put Girl Talk in my ears and started my Runkeeper and I was off.

And then an amazing thing happened.  Almost immediately I felt GOOD.  Great, even.  I felt like my body was in perfect form and a form that it was just happy being in.  And then I realized that I was actually moving at a pretty good speed.  And my body didn’t really “want” to slow down. 

Here I am coming up on mile 1.  You can’t tell in the picture, but the sky was absolutely gorgeous.

I was surprised that my splits were sub 9 minutes even with stopping and fumbling around with my Nathan belt and putting my phone back in a couple times. 

As I ran, I started to think about everything that led up to this run.  Of course, there have been many many runs, but this one…well, it was like my jump start back in to marathon training (or I hope). 

I had Charly take some video of me the other day and I got to check out my form in slow motion. 
One thing that I noticed is that I go a bit too vertical too often.  Definitely a wasted motion.  It was like I was jumping straight up in the air, lol.  And then I saw a video featuring Michelle Jenneke hurdling.  I used to run hurdles in high school and the video made me miss it.  But, it all helped me remind myself to keep my center of gravity low while running.  Even if I am not running over hurdles….
And then I saw a video about running form a while back and I remembered one thing that was mentioned was arms and keeping them at 90 degrees and pumping them to actually help you along (in a way).  I have pretty good form when it comes to my arms, but I don’t use them too much while running.  So, I tried that out as well. 

Here is mile 2-1/2 or so.  Sometimes I love living in a place that doesn’t have big lights and sky scrapers.  The sky seems so much more vast and amazing.  And of course, you can see so many more stars at night. 

Ever since mile 1 or 1-1/2 I did some walking.  I was running at a faster pace and a pace that I wasn’t really used to.  I decided to keep the pace but take turns walking as well.  It worked well for me, I think.  I actually think I will stick with this and see how long before my body gets used to the faster pace.  I was clocking sub 9 minute miles even with walking involved.  So, while running, I am not sure what my pace was. 

And then at mile 3 or so, I came up to the school and they had their sprinklers on!!! yeah :)

You better believe I ran through the grass and hit every sprinkler :)  It was refreshing. 

I managed to get home before it got dark and I was feeling good about the run. 

It was one of those runs where I wanted to remember “the best feeling in the world”. Sometimes runs suck. This was the exact opposite of that. I was happy with how my legs worked, how they felt, and my lungs could feel the strain, but it was a welcome strain. 

Oh, and let me add that before this run, I was feeling rather defeated.  I was starting to question if I should even shoot for a marathon.  Should I just stick to 5 and 10k’s?  And maybe a half now and again.  I mean, my life is not really ideal to fit in long runs.  It takes a lot of effort.  I was starting to wonder if it is worth it or not.

Well, I am not sure how I will feel tomorrow, but tonight I am sticking with it.  I am shooting for that marathon and after that…we will just see what comes. 

3.77 miles
8:52 pace
33:22

Marathon Training Day 22

3 mile run
9 minute pace

I ran from the church to the school track.  Did some “gentle pickups” for 2 miles.  And ran back to the church. 
Then I did my cleaning.  It worked out well.

I was pretty darn tired today, but I pushed through. 
Sunday, I blogged about.  It was a long day and I didn’t get my exercise in. 

I had high hopes for Monday, but that didn’t work out either.  Mark ended up needing to be gone all day, so I had work and the kids all day.  Let me tell you, that makes for a long day.  Stay at home and work at home…well, it is quite the balancing act.  By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, I was getting dinner ready.  We ate.  And then of course, more dishes and cleaning up. 

Bed time came quick for the kids.  But, shortly after, there was an incident with a mouse in the house.  Yeah.  I have seen a couple mice in the basement over time, but never one upstairs.  He was a little guy.  He didn’t “show up” until after I had put Peyten and Aydan to bed.  But, the mouse ran through Aydan’s room and freaked him out.  And Peyten was up still, so I just brought both of them out to the living room.  I put in The Tale of Despereaux.  Because, when there is a mouse loose in the house, you should watch a movie about a mouse, right?  As we were watching the movie, the mouse ran across the floor.  He seemed to be trapped in the living room because it is a “sunken” room and I think he couldn’t figure out how to get over the step.  He just kept running between couch, tv, etc.  Finally, with the help of Charly, I got him trapped.  Garry and Cindy helped scoop him up and took him outside.  The animals out there can have their way with him.  Charly was funny, she was so hyped up about it.  I think she wanted to catch more mice, lol. 

So, after all that, none of the kids wanted to sleep in their beds….of course.  I let them sleep on the couches in the living room.  It was almost 11 o’clock at night by the time they settled down and went to sleep.  I was tired and in dire need of a shower.  Being the only one home with the kids all day makes it difficult to do things like, shower…go to the bathroom…ya know, the necessities. 

So, today Mark was home with the kids and I was grateful for that, after yesterday.  Plus, work was even busier today than it was yesterday.  I had training to do, so I was on the phone with a client for about 4 hours (2 different session).  I find that exhausting.  I am not really a people person and don’t really enjoy talking on the phone for that length of time and training someone.  I get antsy and irritated pretty easily.  But, it is part of the job.  And between the training sessions, I had quite a bit to keep up and catch up with.  It was just non stop and by the time the day was done, my eyes and head were killing me.  I warmed up some leftovers for dinner.  Mark had already taken care of the kids for dinner.  And then I laid on the couch and passed out.  It was probably only ten minutes.  But, it was just what my body needed. 

We watched the movie, Soul Surfer.  Me missed the beginning, but caught most of the movie.  Wow, what a good movie.  If you haven’t seen it, check it out.  I cried multiple times….

We put the kiddos to bed at the usual time and I laced up my shoes and headed out the door.  3 miles and then and hour and a half of cleaning at the church.  Came home, took a shower, and now I am typing away and sipping on a glass of wine.  I can not believe it is already after midnight.  I am still winding down.  Tomorrow is going to come fast. 

Marathon Training Day 19

6.34 miles
a little over an hour
slow and easy pace

Mile 6 included some walking due to some digestion issues.  Frustrating.  Other than that, the run was uneventful.  The temperature had dropped some.  When I was finishing the run, the fire station said it was 77 degrees.  I could definitely feel the “coolness” in the air. 

I did have some tightness/pain in my left calf and left shin.  But, nothing too major.  I will just have to ice, roll, stretch, watch my form…ya know, the usual. 

I am still a bit baffled how I think I am going to run a marathon.  After my half, I was beat and I had blisters all over my toes.  I definitely could not have ran more than 13.2 that day.  Of course, for the marathon, I will be running at a much slower pace.  But still…so many miles.  I am more than curious to see how I do.  October is a long way away though.  I have lots of training to do. 

Tomorrow, the schedule calls for “cross training”.  I  haven’t scheduled anything, so we will see what I can fit in.  We have church in the morning and Youth Group in the evening.  Maybe I can get a bike ride in after the kids go to bed. 

Marathon Training Day 17

4 miles
91 degrees
36:53
9:13 pace

Tonight’s run went much better than Tuesday’s run.  I didn’t even attempt a run yesterday.  It just didn’t fit in to the plans easily, and I didn’t try very hard to make it.  But tonight, I made an effort to get out there.  The schedule called for 3 miles.  I did 4.  But, that doesn’t really make up for the 4 miles I missed yesterday.  Ah well. 

Tomorrow is a rest day.  I could try and make up the miles tomorrow, but we have small group and I doubt I will be able to sneak one in. 

Now, I try and finish watching Avengers.  We started it last night and I fell asleep.  I remember a time long ago when I could actually watch a movie in its entirety in one night.  We will see if I can finish it tonight, or if it will end up being a 3 parter.